I just want that house on that perfect lot..!!!

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I just want that house on that perfect lot, I just want that car that perfect car, I just want those twins those beautiful babies, I just want those money that perfect grand prize… I’m sick and tired of waiting, waiting, waiting and waiting… It’s like it’s all I’ve done for the past eight years.. Waiting for him to move home to us so we could be a family, waiting for him to change his mind and agree to make those babies, waiting for him to love me enough to wanna marry me, waiting for him to love me enough to wanna live like a normal average family… And after 8 no wait actually 14 years I’m still waiting…. waiting waiting waiting and waiting… Caught like a lice between to nails… Can’t handle it anymore, I’m just so sick and tired of waiting my life away, and I’m so scared that it’s too late for me now !!! I’m 35 turning 36 in a couple of weeks so I’m in kind of a hurry…. Just don’t wanna wait anymore…!!!

During all these years of waiting I’ve somehow convinced myself that the answer to all my problems would be winning that grand prize, the money would be my ticket out. It would be my chance of meeting someone who doesn’t make me wait, who can’t live a day without me, who wants to marry me because that would make him the proudest man on earth, who would love to make babies.. That man who would love nothing more than to grow old with me… You see without money I’m caught and I can’t get out… But is that really what I wanna do ?? Do I wanna leave the man I’ve been with for 16 years ?? The father of my beautiful daughters.. Or do I just wanna make him change his mind already…

The thing is that if I have money, he wouldn’t have an excuse for living and working in another country, he wouldn’t have an excuse for not wanting more children, cause we’d definitely be able to afford it right.. he wouldn’t have an excuse for not wanting to marry me, cause that too we would be able to afford.. So you see no matter what, money would in my case really solve all my problems..

I would have the opportunity to choose, choose to either stay or go, the opportunity to make him choose like he’s made me choose for the past 13 years, when he moved away in order to make money…. For so many years he’s said that if I couldn’t accept that he didn’t want more kids I could leave, if I couldn’t accept that he never wanted to move back home I could leave, if I couldn’t accept that he didn’t wanna get married I could leave… I haven’t been able to leave though, cause 1. I love him, he’s the father of my children.. and 2. I can’t afford it cause I have NO money…

So you see if I would win money I would be the one with the power.. I would be able to make him choose.. If you don’t move home YOU can leave, if you don’t want more kids YOU can leave, if you don’t want to marry me YOU can leave… If the both of os had money we’d be equals finally, and we would have to solve our issues based on true feelings and not the financial situation that we’re in… If he was to leave me, if he was to tell me that he doesn’t really love me.. I’d be able to handle being alone, even if it was for the rest of my life. I’d have the opportunity to find a donor to make those babies that I want so badly, I’d even be able to hire an aupair to help me out with the babies once they’ve arrived… My family and friends would have a carefree life and I’d be able to help others who needed it…

I just wanna win those money, I just wanna be a millionaire is that really to much to ask…. Just wanna win, just don’t wanna wait anymore…

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