A couple of crazy days !!!!!!

Wow so these last couple of days has been nothing less than crazy…

 It started out with me thinking that I actually might be pregnant.. I just had so many signs and I new that this time there was actually a chance.. I’ve dreamed of having more children for so many years now so I really really crossed my fingers, and on sunday I had this feeling that this was it and that two little babies hid in my tommy… On monday I went to school and unfortunately I had an accident during an attempt to do a handstand.. My stupid back said this wear noise and I could hardly get up of the floor.. It hurt SO bad and the 45 min. car-ride home was simply unbearable !!! But I god home, I just wasn’t able to move 😦 😦 😦 I literally couldn’t do anything, but lie down.. Every time I stood up, walked or sat down I just started crying of pain.. My poor kids didn’t know what to do, cause I was in so much pain BUHUUU.. The next day I went to the chiropractor in the hopes that he would be some kind of miracle maker, but NO.. Still in unbearable pain 😦 Wedensday Still in horrible pain and now a total mess, I couldn’t do anything at home, couldn’t do the laundry, couldn’t go grocery shopping, couldn’t clean the house, couldn’t make dinner for my kids, couldn’t do ANYTHING cause couldn’t move 😦 😦 😦 😦  And as if the back problem wasn’t bad enough I also found out that I wasn’t pregnant….. And just to top it off my dog suddenly felt the need to pee on my couch… the couch… REALLY……… This must really qualify as some shitty days…!!!! Fortunately today my back is a little better, and tomorrow I’m going to see the chiropractor again, and I hope that he’ll make it a little better…

I guess all this has really just reminded me how alone I am.. In times of need you really find out how badly you need someone to be there for you.. I wish my parents for instance had called me when they had been grocery shopping, just to hear if they could bring me something, or if there was something I needed… I mean getting help that you don’t have to ask for is really just the best, and I DONT ASK FOR HELP from ANYONE…. They knew I couldn’t move, they knew I couldn’t do anything.. I mean if only they had offered to cook us dinner or pick up the kids or something – anything I would have been forever grateful, cause I absolutely HATE asking anybody for help…. I just won’t do it… Then I’d rather be in pain…!!!! Stupid I know, but thats just the way I am… Fortunately my boyfriend returns tomorrow, so he can take over a little, can’t wait…!!!!

In times like this I’m really reminded of all the things I DONT have rather than the things I have… So I’ve really just been so sad… And then what do I do… I DREAM….. Dear Billionaire out there – please donate some money to me so I can hire a maid, a nanny and a driver ha ha 🙂 🙂 Naaah no matter how rich I was I don’t actually think I’d hire anybody to help anyways – cause I can take care of myself right… Hmmm… I would however love to win the lottery tomorrow – so dear God… Please let me win… I need some joy on top of a bad week…

Dear mr. billionaire out there somewhere

please help a girl who’s about to pull out her hair

her days are crazy and filled with worry

please help her out, and please do it in a hurry

All she wants is a life thats more carefree

all she wants is for everyone to see

see that she can do it all, all on her own

build a future and a beautiful home

a home for her kids, where they can always have a ball

the home of her dreams, with no worries at all

A home filled with joy, fun and happy hearts

and maybe even a garage with to amazing cars

and hopefully a future with a couple of babies

ohh that would really make the girls happy ladies

Well I guess it doesn’t hurt to have dreams

a little universe of my own where nothings as it seams

A place for distraction in times of need

a private space with not even a single bad seed

A place where everything is peaceful and filled with love

ohh how I wish and pray to the stars above.

And ohh well, if theres no mr. billionaire out there, and if theres no lottery winnings in sight for me, at least let my back be better soon so I can get back to my life and be fully functioning again……

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