My life in three phases !!

My life in three phases.

So lately I’ve had this need of getting my life of my chest. You know like when you have some really really secret that nobody should know but you still just have this utter need of telling somebody about it.. That’s kinda how I feel… I need to tell someone, I don’t know why and I don’t know if it will help me in some weird way but still I just feel like telling it. And what better place than to share it here..? Not at a lot of people will see it, and those who do see it don’t know me and therefor cant really judge me for my life choices. And who knows maybe in some weird twisted way, getting it down on paper will help me realize why I have this huge need of dreaming. This annoying, irritating, stupid dreaming that I somehow cant seem to stop… Maybe telling my story, just seeing it in writing, maybe that will help me to stop..?! I don’t know, but than at least I’ve gotten it of my chest.. I will have gotten it of my chest and still somehow have kept it a secret… You see most of my friends obviously know my life story, but then again do they really know it..? I doubt it, maybe a couple of them but certainly not all of them..!! So who would wanna read my entire long and boring life story..? Well probably no one, but I will, and I will get it out there so maybe it feels like people know, so it feels like I told somebody, so it’s out…

So when I think of my life I think of it in different phases/stages.. The first stage was the time before I lost my grandfather.. Loosing him changed something in me, which is why my second life phase starts after loosing him.. Then comes the third life phase, the phase after I became a mother and also the phase I’m currently in, or well maybe I’m actually in my fourth phase, the dreamer phase.. I don’t know yet, but anyways here goes, my life in three phases….

Phase 1. Part one !!
– This is the phase of my life from when I was born till the time I lost my grandfather, or my ”Pre-grandad died period”

So I consider my upbringing quite good.. Actually I find myself really really fortunate. I have 3 amazing siblings, a mom and dad that till this day are still madly in love and grandparents that were extraordinary.. They were amazing actually, and I loved spending time with them more than anything. As the youngest of four children I got a lot of attention amongst my sisters, especially my next eldest sister really really looked after me in any way possible. She would be the one I went to if something was wrong, she was the one who rubbed my belly when it hurt and she was the one I would snuggle into when I couldn’t sleep. She was the one I told things to before anybody else, and she was the one I trusted more than anyone.. Being the youngest definitely had it’s benefits at least when I was little. When I got a little older it turned out to be more of a disadvantage but I’ll get back to that later.
As a child I always struggled a little with my self-confidence, I struggled with not always feeling good enough and generally I was a little fragile. At age 5 I was admitted to the hospital for 3 weeks cause I couldn’t hold anything down, my stomach hurt all the time, I kept throwing up and they couldn’t figure out why. They eventually came to the conclusion that it most likely was something psychological, and looking back I definitely think it was. However I don’t in any way feel that I had a bad or tough childhood, just the opposite in fact. Yeah I was a little fragile and a little sensitive maybe, and yeah I did get teased a little in school, but after my parents moved me to another school in the 3’rd grade everything changed, and I have so many amazing and beautiful memories from that time. I spend a lot of time with my amazing grandparents and had a lot of very good friends. From 3rd til 7th grade was an amazing period of my life. Everything was so innocent, so carefree and I didn’t have a lot of worries in my life. I had a lot of close and really really good friends and we had so much fun. We would go to the youth center several times a week and in about 6th or 7th grade boys started getting a little interesting too. As I got a little older I still struggled quite a bit with my self-confidence, I remember thinking that all of my friends were much prettier and much smarter than me. At the same time all of my friends started hitting puberty, and see I didn’t..! I actually was 15 before puberty set in – which also meant that I didn’t get boobs and curves like all the other girls. At the same time I guess I wasn’t really in the same place as them mentally – cause my hormones weren’t kicking in like everybody else’s. I didn’t really think there was anything I was really good at, but still I did rather well, and I did have a couple of things that I succeeded in -gymnastics and English.. I must say that I was actually the best in class when it came to English, so that really gave me some confidence. When I was in the 8’th grade my English really came to good use when this American girl started in my school. Soon we would become the best of friends, and it was about this time that I really started changing. I felt more and more left out, even though I really wasn’t, actually I hanged with the cool crowd, I guess I just didn’t always feel like I fit in. But again looking back it was probably also because I hadn’t hit puberty like all the other girls, and still I didn’t feel pretty and popular like they were. Looking back though I was popular, I just didn’t realize it at the time..!! The 8th grade was also the year that I lost my granddad.

Phase 1 part two will be uploaded soon but first a couple of my favorite songs from this phase… You see music has always played a huge role in my life and I guess I could easily divide my life in songs rather than phases, well anyways heres a couple of them…

When I listen to these songs I go back to age 5 or six and remember how my sisters would do my hair and make up while this was blowing out of their speakers in their room..

A little older now, my sister got a brand new record player and this was what she would play all the time 🙂 🙂 I loved sitting in her room listening to Madonna

8th grade and we LOVED this one

After I lost my grandad, Mariah Carey was on my stereo all the time…

 

I could have put tons of different music on here, but these are some of the most memorable for me.. 🙂 🙂 Gotta love the 80’ties and 90’ties…. 🙂

SOMEBODY PLEASE WAKE ME UP ALREADY..!!!!!!

CAN’T STOP DREAMING, SOMEBODY PLEASE WAKE ME UP ALREADY, cause I really really don’t have time for all this dreaming…!!! I’m staying up WAY past my bedtime, dreaming my days away, then during the day I’m an absolute mess cause I didn’t get enough sleep and I end up falling a sleep in the middle of the day and then I’m up way to late again – and so the circle continues….. SOOOOOO FRUSTRATING…. I need to wake up already….!!!!!

It’s not like I don’t have things to do, cause actually I have way to much on my plate lately.. I really really REALLY need to get started on my Bachelor assignment – my house looks like a disaster area – I have laundry piles that could easily reach the ceiling – tons of homework besides the bachelor – and the list goes on, in endlessness.. #note to self:

I REALLY NEED TO STOP DREAMING AND START LIVING INSTEAD !!!

But HOW, now see that is the million dollar question…!!! Does anybody have a cure..? A shrink maybe ? An insane asylum ? A lobotomy ?

I mean WHY do I dream at all…??? Is it even normal..? Are there others out there like me…??? God I’m going crazy here…… Does all this dreaming surge a greater purpose somehow, or is it my defense mechanism that kicks in every time life gets a little to much to deal with..?? I can’t figure it out lately… Somebody please just wake me up already…

Avicii sais it kinda well – maybe I’m just getting wiser maybe theres a purpose to all my dreaming…. who knows…..

But see now I did it again – I have just successfully waisted more time.. .Just spend like half an hour writing a post nobody will probably ever see – a post nobody will notice – a post for nobody than my own eyes, when instead I could have spend half an hour doing the laundry, doing my homework, grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking dinner, spending time with my kids, writing on my bachelors assignment…… Is this blog really just another excuse for me to do everything else than I’m actually supposed to do…???

Well if anybody actually DO read this and they just happen to have a “turn of the dream” cure – you know like a magic button you can just turn off and on as you please – please let me know… Now I think I’ll try to get around to doing a load of laundry leaving you with a song that must be my all time favorite as I couldn’t say it much better my self.. 🙂

Friday – Jackpot day…!!!

Uhhhhh it’s friday again… Fridays are always a little weird for me as that is the day of the Eurojackpot drawings.. And friday after friday after friday, I literally dream my day away.. I just can’t seem to let the thought of winning go, and every friday I actually try to force myself to not think about it, cause the day I don’t think about it might just be the day I win..??

I mean it’s kinda like when we tried for a second child. We really really really wanted to have a baby, and planned everything. I had always wanted to have a baby in the fall so just before christmas we started trying.. I thought it would take a couple of months at the most, cause first time around it was so easy… But the second time, nothing happened… I didn’t get it, I mean we knew that we were able to have a child but still it just didn’t happen. I ended up thinking about it every single second of every single day, I got totally obsessed, using ovulations tests and so on, but still nothing… After a year and a half of trying and having 2 miscarriages, I finally gave up hope, and we decided to seek help… BUT after giving up hope, not using the ovulation tests, not thinking about it all the time – thats when I got pregnant…. So you see I believe everything happens when you least expect it, and maybe the same goes for winning the lottery – it will happen when I least expect it…!!!! So maybe when I’m finally done with my education in a couple of years, and maybe when my financial situation is better – then maybe that’s when I’ll winn…???

I just can’t wait though….. I want it to happen noooooowwwww…. Buuuuuuhuuuuuuuu

…. “I wanna be a billionaire sooo f*ing baaad buy all of the things I never had” ……

This song just says it sooooo well…. Thats exactly how I feel and especially on fridays… Today the Jackpot is 18 million dollars – I mean how insane is that… Think of all the people I would be able to help with that amount of money…. CRAZY… And this week in my country we have a “cure cancer week” so I would definitely donate a huge amount of money to that also…. Please please and please with please on top, dear God please let me win…………. I promise to do good with the money, I promise………. 🙂 🙂 🙂

………………………………  18.000.000,00 $ ……………………….

 

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The TV shows that made me a fan of The States..

Alright so I’ve been thinking about what it was in my childhood that made med LOVE the states as much as I do.. And well apart from the american friend I had who had all the coolest stuf, music also played a huge part of it I think, and then came the TV shows.. God the hours of hours I’ve spend watching different shows… The first one I recall really loving was Cosby.. An amazing show that I remember watching with my family.. we all loved it…

The next show I remember watching a lot is the tv show Blossom… I absolutely LOVED it and I was soooo jealous of her room, I wanted it soooo bad… One more thing I love about american homes are the seats and pillows in the window, I haven’t seen that in a scandinavian home like EVER it just doesn’t exist here, and what a shame cause it’s soooo cosy… You can catch a glimpse of her room here…

And then came Fresh Prince of Bel Air… That was soooo much fun, and I absolutely LOVED the intro, and to this day still remember the song by heart.. Just watch…

And then we have Beverly Hills 90210…. Now that I’ve watched again and again.. Remember when I was in the 10’th grade I wanted to look like kelly so bad that I cut of my long blond hair and got that fancy short haircut she had when she was dating Brandon 🙂 🙂 My mom was so angry with me for doing that, ha ha.. but I loved it 🙂 🙂 Watching Beverly Hills also really made me realize how rich people actually were over there, and just made my urge for going over there bigger… I mean who wouldn’t wanna live in Beverly Hills with all the money Kelly, Donna and Steve had 🙂

awww how cute is that… 🙂 🙂 And then came the talk shows… Ricky Lake was my absolute favorite.. Almost every day when coming home from school I would watch it, and fortunately my best friend loved watching it to, so we watched it together and had sooo much fun.. Remember her..? Or else watch this…

What happened to these type of talk shows… they’re just gone, and what a shame cause they were so much fun and sooo uncomplicated…..

And then came the movies… Clueless was my absolute favorite, I swear I knew every single line in that movie, I mean I could seriously play every single role in that movie thats how much I watched it.. I must have seen it at least 200 times… LOVE LOVE LOVE that movie… Here’s a little clip for you to enjoy…

About the same time, Sister Act came out and that to I know by heart… My favorite clip in that movie is without a doubt this …

Till this day I still get goose bumps watching them sing… The sister act movies are SO good….

Well just a little trip down memory lane today… With tv shows and movies like this no wonder I love America 🙂 🙂