No House, no Car, No money – but a baby in my tummy.!!

Yeah so a lot has happened these last couple of months, a long hard roller coaster ride  filled with chaos and emotions, and a whole freaking lot of them..!!

So saturday feburary 14th I found out I was pregnant !!!!! I couldn’t believe it and for a week or so I kept taking pregnancy tests every single day – after taking 14 pregnancy tests I finally believed that I was pregnant. In the past I’ve had a couple of miscarriges though so I didn’t want to say anything to anyone – including my boyfriend – before I was sure that everything was okey.. I mean if I was gonna loose the baby anyways I didn’t see any reason to cause chaos in our relationship.. So I made an appointment for an early ultrasound at 7+4 weeks pregnant and my plan was to tell him after that – depending on the result of course.. However my oldest daughter figured it out a couple of days prior to the ultrasound so I felt that I had to tell him so she didnt have to keep secrets from her dad. And so I told him..!! And thats when the chaos started….

He got absolutely pissed..! I had expected him to get angry as he really doesn’t want more kids, but I don’t think I had quite expected the reaction I got. He basically told me to get an abortion or move out..!!! He was such an A-hole and I can’t even begin to tell you all the things he did.. He drew our daughters in it, and totally manipulated them – told them that we had to move out of his house, and if mommy kept the baby they would never ever go on any trips again, no vacations, no skiing,  they would never get any cool clothes and well he basically told them that life as they knew it would end if I kept the baby. And also told them that an abortion was EASY cause it wasn’t even a real child yet and all I had to do was eat a pill… GOD…… My poor kids… They were so confused and sad and didn’t know how to react. When I had told my kids that I was having a baby they were over the moon of joy, cause they – much like me, have always wanted a baby brother/sister and they literally jumped of joy when I told them. But after all he said they didn’t know what to do, and both of them were really sad, cause obviously non of them wants to move.. And they both know that moving away also means that their lives will change drastically due to the fact that I have Absolutely NO money what so ever..

I mean who is he to drag the kids in to it this way… and how childish is that… Grow up and take responsibility for your actions..!!!! I have never ever hidden the fact that I was dreaming of more children NEVER.. I wasn’t on the pill which he knew, and he also knew that if I ever got pregnant I would never ever dream of an abortion – that just isn’t an obtion for me…!!! So I’ve been straight and upfront with everything, and he too has a responsibility too take the precautions that is needed not to have kids, it’s not my responsibility alone..!!! Fact of the matter is that HE was the one not being careful enough and bam a baby landed in my tummy…!!! He’s had the obtion of getting fixed but he never did.. So its not like its my fault, he too is to blame…!!! AArrgghh soooo angry with him…. So now here I am, I can’t afford moving out and I have NOTHING no furniture, no money, oh and yeah now I don’t even have a car anymore..!!!!

You see as if it wasn’t bad enough already I got involved in a car accident a couple of weeks ago and totaled my car 😦 An older couple failed to see a full stop sign and bursted right out in front of me – causing me to drive directly in to the side of their car with 50 km. pr. hour.. My car was totaled and I also got a nice little bonus of getting a whiplash in the accident..

So on top of my exams, taking care of two kids, being pregnant with extreme fatigue and all that follows, having a whiplash injury, having NO money and NO car I also have to figure out how to find a decent place for me and my kids to live, and have to figure out how to get some money so I actually can move… AAAAARRRRHHHHHH everything just seems SO f***ed up right now…!!!!

And worst of all, even though I should hate him and despise him for what he’s putting us through I still love him.??!! And even though I feel unlucky due to my circumstances, I still feel lucky that I’m actually pregnant, and even though I feel unlucky that I got into a car accident, I feel lucky that I got away with a whiplash injury – it could have been so much worse… So I feel SO absolutely unlucky right now, but at the same time lucky…. My life is just ONE big mess right now….

So now I don’t dream of diamond rings, I don’t dream of rolex watches, I don’t dream of mansions and rangerovers… I simply dream of everything working out soon… I dream of peace of mind for my kids and my self, I dream of enjoying my pregnancy instead of it being filled with chaos… So I dream and I dream and I dream….. PLEASE somebody – anybody… Let this dream come true…!!!!

 

Caught up in a dream…

AAARRGGHH so these last couple of days I just can’t seem to stop dreaming… Once again I’m really just caught up in this little dreamworld of mine, and I can’t seem to wake up or snap out of it… And I really really need to, cause I kinda have a Bachelor to write, so I have NO time for dreaming right now….. I blame Pinterest, Pinterest is such a time consumer when you’re a dreamer like me.. I already have everything lined up for that day when I magically become a millionaire and get to build my own house.. I have like a gzillion dreams on pinterest just ready to be taken to use… Add me @ johannemagrethe on pinterest and get a glimpse of all of my crazy dreams in pictures..

So the dream place for me to live is Calabasas… I’m just obsessed with this area, don’t know why cause I’ve never been there, but on TV it just looks like an amazing place to live, and so I can’t stop myself from checking out Trulia.com daily just to see if new homes has been put up for sale… I wish I could see Calabasas with my own eyes, then maybe I would fall out of love with it and maybe then I could stop all this silly dreaming… Ohh well, currently this is my favorite home in Calabasas…

picture-uh=18dbbc48722ad3f0ddeb2565b050d3be-ps=16718f207fba67fd22e3d687c64c4c3 picture-uh=438e91a6b237f8cab7fbe078edd8989-ps=f157f75ea8dc83e223e62dc5ecc31b picture-uh=9379e3182f4af1433c778e789cef4ded-ps=54ae938a46a2c284864c59c8747b8ebc picture-uh=f0bb846f5de3b8db8e434beb7389dac-ps=5dfaaac52cf251e3deaaf7ba46191b76

I mean how pretty is that…. You can see more pics of the house by clicking on this link :

http://www.trulia.com/property/3168628675-25225-Prado-De-Rosado-Calabasas-CA-91302#photo-22

I LOVE trulia cause it makes it really easy to dream big like I tend to do 🙂 🙂

And obviously I’d decorate this house amazingly.. so as previously stated I found a million good ideas on Pinterest… Way to many to put up in here, so check out my Pinterest for great ideas for homes 🙂

Well besides dreaming of Calabasas… I’ve been dreaming a lot lately about the whole baby thing…. It’s just so hard to come to terms with the fact  that I’ll never have more kids, ohh what I wouldn’t do to have more babies, twins would be perfect, twins are my dream…!!! God I hope that at least one of my dreams would come true one day, cause the thought of it never happening is just unbearable !!!!!!! how do you make you’re dreams come true..?? How…….

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