My life in three phases.
So lately I’ve had this need of getting my life of my chest. You know like when you have some really really secret that nobody should know but you still just have this utter need of telling somebody about it.. That’s kinda how I feel… I need to tell someone, I don’t know why and I don’t know if it will help me in some weird way but still I just feel like telling it. And what better place than to share it here..? Not at a lot of people will see it, and those who do see it don’t know me and therefor cant really judge me for my life choices. And who knows maybe in some weird twisted way, getting it down on paper will help me realize why I have this huge need of dreaming. This annoying, irritating, stupid dreaming that I somehow cant seem to stop… Maybe telling my story, just seeing it in writing, maybe that will help me to stop..?! I don’t know, but than at least I’ve gotten it of my chest.. I will have gotten it of my chest and still somehow have kept it a secret… You see most of my friends obviously know my life story, but then again do they really know it..? I doubt it, maybe a couple of them but certainly not all of them..!! So who would wanna read my entire long and boring life story..? Well probably no one, but I will, and I will get it out there so maybe it feels like people know, so it feels like I told somebody, so it’s out…
So when I think of my life I think of it in different phases/stages.. The first stage was the time before I lost my grandfather.. Loosing him changed something in me, which is why my second life phase starts after loosing him.. Then comes the third life phase, the phase after I became a mother and also the phase I’m currently in, or well maybe I’m actually in my fourth phase, the dreamer phase.. I don’t know yet, but anyways here goes, my life in three phases….
Phase 1. Part one !!
– This is the phase of my life from when I was born till the time I lost my grandfather, or my ”Pre-grandad died period”
So I consider my upbringing quite good.. Actually I find myself really really fortunate. I have 3 amazing siblings, a mom and dad that till this day are still madly in love and grandparents that were extraordinary.. They were amazing actually, and I loved spending time with them more than anything. As the youngest of four children I got a lot of attention amongst my sisters, especially my next eldest sister really really looked after me in any way possible. She would be the one I went to if something was wrong, she was the one who rubbed my belly when it hurt and she was the one I would snuggle into when I couldn’t sleep. She was the one I told things to before anybody else, and she was the one I trusted more than anyone.. Being the youngest definitely had it’s benefits at least when I was little. When I got a little older it turned out to be more of a disadvantage but I’ll get back to that later.
As a child I always struggled a little with my self-confidence, I struggled with not always feeling good enough and generally I was a little fragile. At age 5 I was admitted to the hospital for 3 weeks cause I couldn’t hold anything down, my stomach hurt all the time, I kept throwing up and they couldn’t figure out why. They eventually came to the conclusion that it most likely was something psychological, and looking back I definitely think it was. However I don’t in any way feel that I had a bad or tough childhood, just the opposite in fact. Yeah I was a little fragile and a little sensitive maybe, and yeah I did get teased a little in school, but after my parents moved me to another school in the 3’rd grade everything changed, and I have so many amazing and beautiful memories from that time. I spend a lot of time with my amazing grandparents and had a lot of very good friends. From 3rd til 7th grade was an amazing period of my life. Everything was so innocent, so carefree and I didn’t have a lot of worries in my life. I had a lot of close and really really good friends and we had so much fun. We would go to the youth center several times a week and in about 6th or 7th grade boys started getting a little interesting too. As I got a little older I still struggled quite a bit with my self-confidence, I remember thinking that all of my friends were much prettier and much smarter than me. At the same time all of my friends started hitting puberty, and see I didn’t..! I actually was 15 before puberty set in – which also meant that I didn’t get boobs and curves like all the other girls. At the same time I guess I wasn’t really in the same place as them mentally – cause my hormones weren’t kicking in like everybody else’s. I didn’t really think there was anything I was really good at, but still I did rather well, and I did have a couple of things that I succeeded in -gymnastics and English.. I must say that I was actually the best in class when it came to English, so that really gave me some confidence. When I was in the 8’th grade my English really came to good use when this American girl started in my school. Soon we would become the best of friends, and it was about this time that I really started changing. I felt more and more left out, even though I really wasn’t, actually I hanged with the cool crowd, I guess I just didn’t always feel like I fit in. But again looking back it was probably also because I hadn’t hit puberty like all the other girls, and still I didn’t feel pretty and popular like they were. Looking back though I was popular, I just didn’t realize it at the time..!! The 8th grade was also the year that I lost my granddad.
Phase 1 part two will be uploaded soon but first a couple of my favorite songs from this phase… You see music has always played a huge role in my life and I guess I could easily divide my life in songs rather than phases, well anyways heres a couple of them…
When I listen to these songs I go back to age 5 or six and remember how my sisters would do my hair and make up while this was blowing out of their speakers in their room..
A little older now, my sister got a brand new record player and this was what she would play all the time 🙂 🙂 I loved sitting in her room listening to Madonna
8th grade and we LOVED this one
After I lost my grandad, Mariah Carey was on my stereo all the time…
I could have put tons of different music on here, but these are some of the most memorable for me.. 🙂 🙂 Gotta love the 80’ties and 90’ties…. 🙂